subheading

This is my blog, and it is dangerous. Do you think I want to die like this?





Monday, August 11, 2014

Turbulence (part1)

I'm feeling turbulent, yet docile. As if the fight has been beaten out of me, or I just used up too much of my stores, in too short of a time - and I feel sick from it.

I went on an adventure. I never do that. I stay inside, where it's safe. "Not inside" may have its merits, but outside ate me alive. I guess I didn't know how to do it. Here's the story of how my life unfolded from July 5th to the present.

~~~~~

I arrived at the smallest airport I've ever seen, two hours early. It took me less than a minute to get through the security checkpoint. There was a sign in the two-gate terminal pointing toward a restaurant, which was a few vending machines, two of which were done broke. So I sat, awkwardly waiting, knowing I had three planes to board before I'd be finished traveling - sober - as is not my habit for getting someplace via flying titanium death tube.

I was simply determined to get to my destination and receive every moment crisp and sharp. The experience needed to be permanently seared into my memory.

I choked back a full-blown panic attack as the last flight was about to land, and stepped off and out with a warrior's confident resignation, ready to meet my victory or doom.

Searching, I heard my name. It was him. I dropped my bag and we exchanged a ... public hug. He told me later I'd made a desperate, quiet screech when I spotted him. Probably. We trotted straight to his car, and while driving, we decided to get food. I tried not to stare at him, but failed. His head is truly and spectacularly enormous.

The drive lingered, as they do when you're sat next to a man you've just met, and you haven't a clue what they're thinking about the much older woman who's been instantly dropped into their physical world.

Suddenly, he misses the road and we're hitting something on the median. He's shredded his tire and all I can do is giggle, especially when as we're hobbling and vibrating to a parking lot, his rear view mirror pops off and hits my leg.

Parked, I watch him, gracefully hopping, attempting to fix the tire. The shitty jack collapses, dropping the car and pinning his hand - which he assures me is okay. He has to call his family for assistance. We wait, while the chemistry and tension is unbelievable and new to me.

His oldest and youngest brother arrive, largely ignoring me. After much effort, the tire is replaced, and we discover the car won't start. After even more effort, we're forced to abandon the vehicle and all pile into the same car, bound for my hotel.

~~~~

We started talking in February, specifically Valentine's Day. He was like a dream - strange, enthusiastic, intelligent, hilarious, witty, and good-looking. He wasn't tall, but I like short guys. We clicked instantly, and we fell into a relationship of sorts very quickly. I attempted to end it early on - I was still married, albeit not happily (for either of us), he was significantly younger than me and the last thing I wanted was my heart broken, or a messy situation.

But I couldn't stay away from him, he fascinated me. We continued. I'm such an expert at life.

I had a big choice to make - whether or not he and I worked out - when it was clear we wanted to be totally exclusive and see where it was all going. I had to put a distance between myself and the husband. This set in motion him filing for divorce without discussion - it was probably a long time in coming. I don't blame him.

The boyfriend and I made our plans to meet, where he lived in Idaho. Tickets and hotel booked, we waited.

~~~~~

On the road, the ride with the brothers was pleasant enough. Actually, parts of it were gorgeous - until the eldest brother made a snidely judgmental decree about not knowing what I had planned with his brother, but that the definitely adult man I'd come a great distance at great expense to meet was in no uncertain terms not going to my hotel with me.

To say that I was stunned, panicked, angered and utterly saddened by this news would be like saying Judy Garland is just a teeny bit a gay icon, maybe possibly. I was ready to use brute strength to remove body parts from anyone getting in my way. But I had to show restraint.

I was dumped at my hotel, 'round about 2:30am, left to fend for myself for an indefinite duration. I was in a strange town with no friends except the one being ripped away from me. I had no telephone in my room, nor did I have cell service. I was stranded, with no knowledge of the lay of the land.

~~~~~

The boyfriend - an atheist - had explained that his family was very religious. I knew the oldest brother was overly religious - on a scale of "a bit churchy" to "oh my god, did he just chuck a bible at my head and call me a irredeemable sinner?" - this guy was at an 11. Roughly a "no way, that's almost funny, yet I'm scared. Ha ha. Ha. Um."

He also warned that his mother was ... well, this is not his particular phrasing, but I'll call it "aggressively and most assuredly fucking nuts to the point of having a cadre of squirrels chasing her, on the daily."

I also was made well aware that his two youngest brothers thought I was a hideous beast of an old lady, who was apt to ruin his life somehow, but that his dad was cool with me.

Ha ha. Ha.

(part2)
.
submit to reddit
add to del.icio.us saved by 0 users

2 comments:

DogsOnDrugs.com said...

Ok, now that we know that you're still alive, continue!

:)

Unknown said...

Doing my best.