This is my blog, and it is dangerous. Do you think I want to die like this?

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I Play Sims (part45)

Hey, I didn't see Notzo Curious walk in. Guess the party's starting.
And he's grumpily delivering hot dogs. This is going to be a great celebration.
Everyone seems to be in a huge rush to get the party started. They must have heard about the nitrate platter.
Super Afro Boy is a little more chill with his entrance. He's decided waffles = rager.
No one ever brings vodka.
I see the King is in a party frame of mind.
Although, I'm not sure if I approve of little miss uninvited guest trying to canoodle with weird guy.
Ooh, where ya running to, Super Afro Boy?
Well that's ... probably creepy.
This ... is a lot to take in.
Welp, we've lost Super Afro Boy. He'd rather talk to Poppy in the foyer.
However, she's definitely shooting him the "whatever you say, mister." eyeball.
King Travis finds this scene so unwholesome that he's been driven to literature.
I don't think His Highness understands how books work, though.

Where is everybody else?

Found Stanley. He's guarding the hot cocoa.
Frida's cracked. Maybe it's because she's been pregnant for a million years, without
actually getting bigger or giving birth. What's the deal with this chick.
Here we see one of Logan's favorite activities - tuning out the shrieks of some crazy lady in favor of sports.
Gah. This pool thing has spread to outsiders now. Yet nobody swims in it!
Hrm. I wonder why Suri's glowering at an angle.
Aha. Logan, you should know that you're not allowed to talk to other women.
Looks like this party is over. Everybody out!
Well, that wasn't too difficult to resol - good lord, not the pool again!
You really better be walking to that pool, or I'll be forced to do something drastic.
Chess, huh? Did not see that one coming.
Fuck me. Yes, pool.
Dammit! I'm going to see what's up inside the house.
Um, no ... I suppose I haven't ever seen a pregnant woman in lingerie eating a hot fucking dog.
I'm leaving, before you unhinge your jaw.
Oh dear. What's happening now.
Here we see Logan doing his best "chill, woman!" pose.
Now we have the crouching Rachel, devious Logan thing going on.
I wonder what his plan is.
Sleeping in her bed before she can get to it? Unorthodox. It could work.
But you'll have to get right back up, unfortunately.
It was probably that hot fucking dog.
I Play Sims (part46)
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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I can't effing sleep!

But I can vodka, so let's effing talk. Or rather, I'll show you some pictures of random shit I got lying around in some of my many picture folders (and sub-folders) I intend for organizational purposes, yet accidentally save crap to while I'm drinking - and you'll say, "Thanks, Nico. I like what's in your fucking folders. God dammit, why isn't there more stuff for me to look at?"

Where should we start? Oh, how about this malarkey - one of many (ten? twelve? I'm supposed to count them?) Skype requests. So romantic, so ... many adjectives.

Yeah. That sounds so much like a prom, I've spontaneously sprouted a corsage.

As you can definitely guess, I've Skyped with that treat for exactly none hours.

Pressing on, we have ... uh, this thing:

This is the friend I gained from eating a noodle cup, yet rejecting the peas (as I am wont to do). Seriously, the peas are no bueno.  Firefox wants me to change "bueno" to "bluenose". How about you eat my freeze-dried peas, Firefox?

And then? Sims 3, fuckin' with me:

O rly? Homegrown cheeses? For NO reward, except the promise of planting some "meaty items"?

Wait. Hang on. I'm on it like a bonnet. Meetcha in the garden. (Meanwhile, I also like how putting "deliver produce" in quotes has turned it into my new favorite euphemism.)

What the fuck else.

Baby drool on sale? OhmygodIcan'twaiiiiit.


This is from one of those sites where you get a phrase from a stranger and you're supposed to draw it. My drawtistry is abysmal, but if you can extrapolate from this something even close to what the original phrase was, I admire and fear you.

Finally. Facebook wanted me to take out this ad:


At least it's better than the time they wanted me to run an ad saying I was a jester popping out of an asshole.

I'm going the frick to bed.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Let's watch a Lana Del Rey video!

Oh Lana Del Rey ... how I hate myself for loving you.
Let us take a journey into her David Lynchian world.

Naked and patriotic - all we need to add to this is drunk, and we've got ourselves a bona fide hoedown.

What the shit? This took a sharp turn.
Seriously, you were just in a cathedral. Seems a better place to do this.
Although to be fair - tigers. Carry on.
I'll be honest. Your headdress is perplexing. Are you a bridesmaid in a wedding after this?
As much as I feel that any of this could be done in your tiger-filled cathedral,
I am totally on board with this situation you have going on here.
I didn't know it was possible to bore two tigers at once. Kudos!
You can't fool me, Mr. bad boy. That's not a real gun.
Choking a girl in a bed of flowers? Oh how 2 minutes 11 seconds into the video. *sigh*
Born to die, huh? I gotta say, taking both hands off the steering wheel in an
attempt to choke a bitch while driving is doing you no favors in that regard.
You are uniquely talented. I've never seen anyone put a set of tigers to
sleep - without anesthesia - while also being made of flesh.
She's DEAD?! A death in this video?! Never saw that coming. Mind blown.
Thank god we're back to the inexplicable patriotism. Let's deep fry a turkey in our front yard! Wee!
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Friday, October 12, 2012

I Play Sims (part44)

The good news is that Logan is now able to move to a different section of the foyer.
The bad news is that everyone seems to be psychically connected through the pool.

Uh-oh. Logan has something to say about ... Green Man getting a girlfriend?
Yes, kissing is probably involved.
Feats of strength? Isn't that the best part of any relationship?
Quit thinking about the movies, Logan. Suri's got something to tell you.
"Baby, I have no idea what you're saying to me."
"But it sounds great. Go you."
Aha. He gets it now. Mazel tov, you two!
Time to move in now, Logan. Hey, don't give me that eyebrow.
Eh, I've seen better clusters in candy bars.
What is the deal with the pool, y'all? You're making me nervous.
Alright, Suri - get that rounded frame across the street. There's a new neighbor in town.
And he thinks drugs are hilarious.
I'm not certain it's a good idea to sneak up behind a guy holding a
knife who was just cackling in his front yard about cough syrup.
He senses a disturbance in the force. Or he just sharted. Although, one
might say that those two things aren't mutually exclusive.
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Super Afro Boy."
"I'm pregnant."
Pump the breaks there, killer.
This is getting weirder by the minute, Suri. Go see what's happening at home.
What?! Oh, I'm so sure. He must think that chair is a toilet.
This is kind of distressing.
Suri, grab your remote control. It's time to throw a house party.
I Play Sims (part45)
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