This is my blog, and it is dangerous. Do you think I want to die like this?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I play Sims (part16)

Rachel did manage to make it home from Egypt in one piece, and deliver her photograph of the Sphinx to her supervisors at work.  When she emerges from the building, she performs this unexplainable dance.
Right.  Well, fabulous or not, she should quit congratulating herself and head home to start getting ready - tonight's her big birthday party!  Rachel's been looking forward to this party for a long time.  She even had an outdoor bathroom built in her backyard especially for the occasion.  Nothing ostentatious or extravadiculous about that.
As Rachel is admiring her new outdoor accommodations, she spots her party guests arriving - across the street from her house, at almost the same time - all of them in exactly the same spot.  It also looks like they've all waited until they arrived to start changing into their party clothes.

Is it just me, or does that dude holding the cheese platter look really familiar?
Speaking of party food - other than the cheese platter, two other guests brought something to nosh on.
The party gets started, slowly - it's mostly a collective of people, standing around, thinking.

Some of you eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that a few of the guests seem to be focused on one co-celebrant in particular.  Almost everyone has an opinion about Rachel's handyman - and their feelings range from indifferent, to highly amused, and even downright furious.

Turns out that the party dress code was formal, and the handyman showed up underdressed.  Indeed, lady in blue, improper dress inspires a fiery rage with my soul as well.

Since the party doesn't seem to be going anywhere, Stanley decides to try get things started by dancing.
For awhile, things start to pick up.  Then this happens (keep your eyes on the woman in the blue sweater who can't abide casual dress, on the far left):

Way to steal focus, lady.   Flaarga, indeed. 
Nothing left for the spirit to do but enter her eternal resting place: the new tombstone on Rachel's deck.  You know, some people just bring a gift.
As Rachel lights her candles, a few of her party guests try to sneak off without saying goodbye.  Real nice.
That's alright, Mr. repairman - go home, put on your bathing suit and crawl into bed.  That goes for you too, dull gray-haired lady and slutty leopard print dress.  Rachel has more important things to attend to anyway, like choosing her birthday wish.  Make it a good one, Rachel.

Alright, Rachel - age up, so we can eat that cake.

That's weird.  You look exactly the same, Rachel.

That's just fine, Rach.  Wow, check this out - it looks like your old boss Wei Keane is finally starting to loosen up and have a good time.

Wei Keane then abruptly slams his cake down to the deck at his feet and whips right around.

Weird teenager decides now is the perfect time to get in a quick workout.

Rachel gives up and retreats to the relative peace of her kitchen to enjoy her cake.
Looks like the party is winding to a merciful close.
The last guest left.

I Play Sims (part17)

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Rearranging Katy Perry's Face

Now that I've discovered Katy Perry's errant eye, it's impossible not to slash her face in half to mirror it.  Thankfully, I've managed to balance caring for my home and children while also howling with laughter at the results.

I'll start with the most human looking example.

The original:

The left, cute alien side:

The right, brutal alien side:

The original:

The cutesy left (with one central tooth!):

The vulcan, testosterrific right:

The original:

Kaitlin Olson's secret reject sister left side:

Fran Dresher's secret love child with a carnie right side:

Good luck with your dreams, pets.

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Saturday, January 15, 2011

No to Katy, but hell yes to Ke$ha.

Why?  I think the looming and obvious answer is that Ke$ha doesn't try to pull any of that cutesy little girl crap, all mixed in with her sexuality - she's not trying to have her cupcake tits and eat 'em too.  She's picked what she's going to be, and she's sticking with it:

Total scuzzball - and I'm okay with that.  I'm kinda scuzzy myself, so maybe it's a tribal thing - you know, I'm recognizing one of my kind or something.  Don't get me wrong - I'm about as anal retentive as they come.  I will organize the shit out of my closet, and don't even think about messing with my system.  But I will also go to bed with makeup on without a second though - and you really don't want to enter a "who can go the longest without a shower" contest because I will soundly defeat you.  I could probably even beat Ke$ha.

This isn't to say that I'm not slightly embarrassed to admit that I dig on some Ke$ha songs - but not nearly as embarrassed as I'd be to admit to enjoying Katy Perry's music - which I don't.  Katy Perry's a good singer - but her music is, for the most part, completely vile.  It's the difference between, "I'll refer to your penis in a cutesy and euphemistic manner ... teehee, my tits shoot whipped cream!" and "Alright, you can come party with us - but you'll probably shit glitter for a month, so don't say you ain't been warned." 

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I'd much rather party with the dumpster diving dirty freak who's wearing crap on her face that looks like it came out of my craft drawer.  I just think I'd have more fricking fun with her.  She'd probably have boots I could borrow, and wouldn't be a little priss about sharing her hairbrush.

Ke$ha's also not under the misapprehension that she has an important message to impart - there's no pretension.  She's aware of the fact that she makes pop music.  I don't see her all over the place yapping about her "process" or thinking we need to hear every damned fart that comes out of her brain.  

Katy Perry makes me groan for womankind.  Ke$ha makes me wish I was still young enough to go clubbing without it being a potentially pathetic scene.  So, Ke$ha, with your bad self - do continue.
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Sunday, January 9, 2011

I play Sims (part15)

Let's just dive right in.

The incident in town forced Rachel to do some thinking about her life.  She's decided to make some changes.
Rachel takes stock of her life, and her living room.

Rachel decided it was as good a time as any to take that business trip to Al Simhara, Egypt to take that photo of the Sphinx the higher-ups asked her to take. 

So far, no good.  Rachel gets an early start the next day.

Go on and grab it, Rachel.  It won't bite you.

Rachel gives up on tomb raiding for the moment, and heads over to the catacombs below the mausoleum to see what she can find.  What she finds is terror.
Out of absolutely nowhere - and apropos of nothing - a woman Rachel has never met before approaches her, and without exchange of words or preamble:

Say what?
They argue.  It's all about the Simoleons.

This time, Rachel decides to hurl a local insult - which I'm certain involves llamas.
How does native lady take it?
Rachel pounces ... all 95 pounds of her.
We've got ourselves a dust-up.
This wasn't your best idea, Rachel. 
Rachel, I think it's time to leave.  Try not to get into any fights on your way out of the burial grounds.

Rachel cleans herself up and accepts an adventure to enter a tomb below a local's home.  Her luck hasn't exactly changed - she's almost immediately caught in a fire trap.

I Play Sims (part16)

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