This is my blog, and it is dangerous. Do you think I want to die like this?

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Comedy

I started watching a movie on Netflix the other night, things got out of hand, and now I have tape all over my face.

It was The Comedy, directed by Rick Alverson and starring Tim Heidecker as Swanson - a rich guy described as an "aging hipster". Now, I can't say I know much about hipsters, but I can say this guy drank a lot of Pabst and was the most bored person who ever did exist in time and space.

Swanson has a merry band of fellow aging hipster friends - Van Arman (Eric Wareheim), Cargill (Jeffrey Jensen), Ben (James Murphy) and Bobby (Neil Hamburger) - and when he isn't traipsing through Brooklyn with them, engaging in highly ironic and often upsetting activities (see the first few slow-mo minutes of this film) he is pelting unsuspecting strangers and acquaintances straight in the face with thoroughly disrupting questions and monologues, or hanging out on his boat shouting and tempting the ladies with his top-of-the-line PBR belly.

I suppose I went into this experience expecting it to be a movie version of Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job.  While there were moments of that, it really just felt like a Jim Jarmusch film about a man who often enjoyed eating those cream-filled cookies that were chocolate on one side, vanilla on the other who liked to provoke people about stuff like oh jeez, anuses and pretend he was an unholy mix of an old-timey plantation owner and Hitler.

It went nowhere more slowly than I've ever not gone someplace.

Twenty minutes into it, I had to stop myself from clobbering my face with the remote control. Halfway through, I was absolutely riveted. Soon after, I was just too damned irritated with the fact that I knew I'd walk away considering it brilliant.

"But what's it really about?" I hear you ask. I'm probably not smart enough to interpret, but if I had to hazard a guess, it's about being so jaded that you're willing to risk getting your ass thoroughly pummeled to see something interesting and novel happen. It's about falling for so long that you get sick of waiting to hit the ground, so you start punching yourself in the groin.

For me, it was like sitting in a doctor's office waiting for a vehemently late appointment while witnessing a hawk chewing on a human placenta - yet somehow remembering it as an enjoyable experience - in no small part because the piped-in music was the best soundtrack with which to curl into the fetal position with a glass of vodka.

Should you see it? Yes, if you enjoy being pecked to death by disconcerting situations and repellant behavior. I know I do.
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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I Play Sims (part54)

Ms. Chase popped by for a visit. Suri will love that.
Ah, good - you're right on time, Suri. I'm sure they'll enjoy your entertaining puppet show about your jellyfish friend.
I think she might be telling you that your legs belong under your skirt, Ms. Chase.
Oh, Logan. Logan, Logan, Logan. We all know what that means.
Is this how you respond every time you're confronted with a nauseated girl? It's different, I'll give you that.
Oh, gross. Their love has sprouted butterflies.
Um. Is there a button or a switch there, too?
Have you not worked out that she's pregnant yet? No one would voluntarily change into that outfit mid-date.
Mid-marriage, absolutely, though.
Aw. You love her anyway. Sweetness.
Ooh, Suri's putting on a bonus puppet show, dedicated to Logan.
It might be time for the pair of you to talk.
Considering you've impregnated another woman whom you've invited to the house,
talking to her through a bear dressed as a skeleton is not one of your worst ideas.
Don't budge an inch, Suri. Make the bear work for it.
It's heartwarming to see you amicably resolve your issues. Definitely time to power down, Suri. You've earned it.
I see Ms. Chase is spending the night now.
...which is great for Frida, because she's the only other person who laughs at Frida's discotheque/green eyeshadow jokes.
Plus, she always willing to bend awkwardly with her mouth open while Logan thinks about work.
She always draws a crowd.
Come for the fuchsia pants, stay for Frida falling through the floor.
Stay even longer for Robert Wilson's pillow fight with a plant...
...and longer still for continuing breaches of physical law.
Just don't expect Stanley to like any of it. He can't.
And don't count on Frida's arm making sense while she's mocking you, because why the hell should it?

I Play Sims (part55)
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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I Play Sims (part53)

Hay, thanks for doing the laundry, Logan.
You're really good at this.
I can see why you rushed outside, though. Frida's breasts aren't going to clap themselves.
Splendid. I'm not late for the after party where we stand and stare at the siding.
I've also managed not to miss whatever this new custom is.
"You're late, Suri!" comes the muffled cry from behind the door.
Suri, where are you rushing off to all dolled up and crap?
Ooh, France. That's right, you have a painting to deliver!
I'd keep that thought to yourself until after you get paid, darlin'.
Whilst Suri is occupied, Logan pays Ms. Chase a visit.
She just happens to live with Travis ...
...and the Afro Boy family. Good to see you're still outside of the derelict car, Mrs. Afro Boy.
Don't mind Super Afro Boy, guys. He's just all dressed up for laundry day.
Well. That's not a mixed signal, Logan. Also, hi Darryl - the Dutch would call this "lastig". Because it is.
Exactly how much laundry does this household do?
Oh jeez. She's married to Darryl. Way to commit the robbery twice on the poor guy, Logan.
So. How do you feel about this, Darryl?
That's about right.
This fits, as well.
Can't quite work out what's happening here. Does she have a switch back there?
We've got a bona fide friend-fest happening back there.
I see where this is going. I'll meetcha back at home, Logan. Have fun storming the castle.
Aha. You're back, and looking downright chuffed. Wait, where have I seen this before?

I Play Sims (part54)
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