Tapas! (Slightly Australian Edition)

I dreamed ...

that I had a marsupial pouch. Less fun than you'd expect.

that after having an angry exchange with my MIL, I started sticking panty liners to the soles of my boots before leaving the house. I'll show her.

that a little girl was pouring cookie crumbs into my shoe. I didn't like that kid.

that my glasses broke into useless bits right before a big night out of karaoke, and I'd just given birth four days earlier (which I kept mentioning to everyone, all the time). I somehow blurrily made it to the venue, but once there, I realized it wasn't karaoke, it was some sort of show where the seats moved all around the theater - in Australia. At this point, nothing else was on my mind except for how I ended up in Australia when I don't even have a passport.

~~~~~

E-mails from my ex:

"Yesterday, [6-year-old]'s homework was to draw a picture of something related to fire safety. So he drew a picture of his school on fire. Also (and this was an especially nice touch) there was a gravestone in front of the school that said "R.I.P. Kid"--he said it was a boy who died in the fire. So they buried him right there, presumably as the fire continued to rage."

 

The last time I talked to this son on the phone, he informed me that petting dogs was not a real job.
He is the dasher of dreams.

"It was 94 degrees yesterday, and [5-year-old] insisted on wearing shorts a size too small, as well as his fleece jacket, zipped up. He finally took it off after a few hours, because he said his legs were getting sweaty."

"I think someone should write a sketch about if Windows 8 were a waiter at a restaurant. Constantly bringing the wrong food. Intentionally knocking forks out of patrons' hands. Trying to shove unwanted food into every open mouth. Stuff like that."

~~~~~

Also, for your viewing pleasure - and to keep things fair by posting a picture my younger son drew: 

Look at the schadenfreude evident in the face of the hammer-wielder.

Let's also talk about the fact that this is the same child who said during a phone conversation, "Hitler was a powerful man. But you are not dead."

Have you ever heard a more disturbingly German pep talk from a 5-year-old before?
Probably not in English.

~~~~~

Here's something I did on Omegle when the guy I was talking to took a phone call.

That last bit was me trying to lip-read.

~~~~~

And finally, here is the lone Omegle experience I attempted during Drunk Fest:

Crunk Frest only happens when it snows.

.