Closed Captioned, for your pleasure

It's recently come to my attention that you can turn closed captioning on with some Youtube videos. The results resemble poorly lip-read video transcripts and my reactions to it range from mildly amused to near hysterics, contingent upon my levels of intoxication and/or whimsy. Let's get cracking, and do. this. shit.

Who doesn't love a good cover song? If you don't, you're not human. Speaking of which.

Oh, that's our Stanley. When he's not yelling, he's um, there.

Uh ... you can call me Nico. This is my blog.  Please, please try not to get any grease on it.

Um ... what?

That sounds like something you should be looking to your boyfriend for. I don't want to do whatever that is.

Sounds about right.

"In family", huh? Shocked. Gast flabbered.

If I agreed any more, my neighbors would be banging on my wall right about now.

That explains ... so much.

Well, that was a fricking blast in a glass. What's Brother Theodore saying?

I'm a married woman, you maniac. Okay, fine. I'll do it.

How's about we look at something to do with a game I'm not cool enough to play? Let's.

Oh don't let my expression fool you. I'm all the way there. I'm in it.

Make that a "hell but no" and I am straight up on board.

That definitely was not me. I've never even been to Arson St.  That's downtown, right?  I wouldn't even know how to break a ship. I think I was probably getting my nails did when that happened. Yeah. That's the ticket.

It's hard to know what's worse - dying in the vacuum of space or having to wear work-themed head wear.

While we're on the Mass Effect topic, let's see what Garrus has to say.

I'll bring the butter.

Oooh, now let's talk about the interactive storytelling in a game I'm not cool enough to play.

Oh man, he's kinda hot.  I'm just dying to SEE the product.

Oh my god, is your suit like those still suits in Dune? That must be rad.

I'm not afraid of afghans or decorative rugs, be real. Bring it.

What else is happening with Mass Effect?

Is it the look on my face? I'm just freaked out by your teeth, sir.

What about Skyrim? I don't play this, either!

You've got the wrong people. Only party people here. Let's give that pope a disability, anyhow. I'll get the ankles.

But what about your cooling needs?

This is most assuredly a private moment. Just hand me a fudgesicle and I'll be on my way.

Seems a good time to talk about safe words. Or safety in general.

In Soviet Russia, fire extinguishers put out - oh.

Oh now, that's kinky. I might be into it - but if I don't like it, I'll have to take my balls home, as well as yours.

Movies. What's new in film?

I, uh, guess someone had to tell the campfire. Who better than a drunk guy.

For Joe LoTruglio? I got condoms. (That's a compliment. call me, Joe LoTruglio. Call me.)

Okay, I give up.  Bring that girl back. I need more cover song.

Looks like we're on the precipice of a schism.

Okay, well.  This one's for my homies.

No. I have a feeling the big moment is yet to come.

I've a few recommendations. I'll fax them to you.

If you've got gluten in your bush initiatives, please ... for the children. Keep it under your hat.

All I can get from this is that Timmy might be stuck in a well?  I'll get the winch.

I require ... less cow ... bell. Make it so.

Aaaaaaand I'm spent.  Click something. 

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