Treasures in the mail

So ... my sister (Madeline Hammersmark) is fucking weird. I'm sure this comes as absolutely no surprise to you, what with us both being the fruit of the same loins.

Basically, she was sending a mutual friend of ours a t-shirt he'd asked for about a year ago (so prompt) and as she is wont to do, included an assload of random objects for his consideration. Since he (Logan) is also sort of cracked in the head, he took photos of these objects and said things about them (I know, totally bonkers, right?)

Since I am desperately lazy, that situation is what you get as a post this week. A day late ish. Enjoy!

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Apparently Hammersmark sent me a shirt based on a drunken request I made a year ago. Upon further inspection, it was more than a shirt! Let's look!

Well at least she knew my full name.

First up, we have the nondescript metal tube, possibly useful for conking purposes. This is followed by the Petty Soul Gem which doesn't even have a soul trapped in it! Now I have to go out and fill it! Rounding out the first batch is a defunct ear thermometer and some wonderful black and white pictures of office equipment! Next time I need to check my temperature, it'll comfort me to know that I now have two broken thermometers!

The next batch is even better! We have some fantastic metal brackets/nuts and bolts that are just oozing with potential. We also have a pair of tweezers shaped like a tiny girl, which I'm now extremely proud to own. There's also a chewable pill that is either a) poison, b) made before 1976 or c) both. These items are of course complete with some more random computer parts, eraser refills for a pencil I don't have, and computer part stickers for components I don't own. Now I can fool everyone into thinking my computer is "Fueled by ATI".

Round three! Let's start out with the 3M privacy filter samples! Maybe next time I'm looking at my private picture collection, I can just keep it relegated to this one-inch square area and people will be none the wiser! This is of course flanked by a SLI bridge! It'll be good company for the other 3 I have and will never use! And since my 12 USB ports aren't enough, I now have a PS/2 adapter straight out of 1999. We also have the world's piddiliest heatsink and anchor screws. The weirdest item has got to be the calcium pills though. Now, God knows I need them, but not only is the bottle half empty, they seem to have ruptured and are sticking to the bottom.

Here's a fun batch! From left to right, we of course first have the NFL trading cards. Unfortunately, they're not of players, but of referees. After I was shocked that these things actually exist, I then noticed they were literally from 1991. I googled one of these guys and he's actually dead now! Next up was honestly what I thought was a pair of panties. Upon closer inspection however, it is a ghetto-skull cap thing, which I'm sure was given to me in order to better fit in with my surroundings. We'll call it "West Greenville on a Friday Night Camouflage". Finally, we have a neat page out of a Resident Evil calendar from 5 years ago. Awesome!

This one is actually really useful! I always need pens that actually write and I always need matches to cover up the smell of Chief farts! However, seeing as I haven't owned a pencil sharpener since 3rd grade, I'd need to gnaw on that thing like a squirrel to get any use out of it.

Finally, I thought this was going to be a note detailing how she raked off a persons desk into a box and shipped it to me. Nope, just a picture of the Hammersmarks! Madeline looks like the offspring of Harry and Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber.

Finally, I did actually dig through to a shirt and it's really comfortable! I also donned my new skull cap! Unless that really is a strange pair of panties, in which case, this is awkward.

Thanks Madeline!

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