Erotica

Yeah, you read that right.  But don't get too excited.  Several days ago, my best friend Bunny Walker asked me if I was writing erotica under the name N.T. Morley.  I was not.  But it later occurred to me that perhaps I could write sarcastic erotica.

Then I remembered that a lot of my readers are like, fifteen years old.  But I still needed a post this week, since my lazy ass hadn't prepared one!  What to do?

So, it's an erotic Mad Libs. A fauxrotic story.  Ahem.

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She had never ate quite this way before in her life.  Her strong, sparkly Penishead stared down into her left hands breathlessly, annoyingly and she was stricken, unable to kill.

He finally spoke, "Cut me."

She did.  It was manly and her eyeball plotted, pounding in her toe.

He spoke again, "Maul over. I want to see your pinky finger."

When he ran her, she gasped perfectly. "Holy crap!" she cried out.

"Do you eat that? Should I do it quickly?"

"Yes," she replied, "then I want you to give me some of that gruesome door, Penishead, like that time when we were at Arizona."

Penishead kept littering until he could litter no more.  They dazed, unsightly. But that wasn't the end of it - after they'd regained their breath, she reached for her cow from the Ab Circle Pro and held it up in front of Penishead's face.

"How about we hang this cow, but this time it's my turn - I've always wanted to swing your chin in the moonlight."

"That looks dizzy," he replied, fairily.

"It's not as dizzy as it looks and it feels frail. Trust me, you'll want me to hang you with it, all Goosesheherp gaggling."

"Alright, I'll peel it." he relented. "if for no other reason than that this delayed processed paperwork needs to agree to a conclusion at some point."

"There's more than five ways to count a bull," she winked.

"There sure is, Pet." Penishead enrolled.

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Nico Tuesday on Wednesday, madly

Alrighty then, participators - here are your stories. I plugged in the words I chose from your contributions without looking at the story beforehand.

The Surprise Garden

One bulbous afternoon while their mom and dad were running errands, Mrs. McFarfle and her little brother, Mayor McCheese, decided to surprise their mom and dad by planting a garden. Mrs. McFarfle went to the garage and got a bird and shovel and started to get the soil ready while Mayor McCheese rode his bike to the market to buy some seeds.

Mrs. McFarfle was making mushy progress in the backyard. Of course, she first had to glow up a lot of the lawn so there would be plenty of room for the new garden.


Then Mayor McCheese rode into the backyard. His backpack was snorting! He pulled out broccoli seeds, tiny mauve sweet pea seedlings, a can of sunflower seeds, and a big jar of pickled grapes and lasagnas.

“OK,” said Mrs. McFarfle, "I get the broccoli seeds and sweet pea seedlings, but what about the other stuff?”

“Well, Mom's favorite flowers are sunflowers, and Dad's favorite snack is pickled grapes and lasagnas, so I figured we'd plant a nice pickled grapes and lasagnas tree! Ahoy, Dr. Scott!!! Gee wiz!, why are you looking at me like I'm grody?” asked Mayor McCheese.

“Umm… because you don't get bedazzled & Catholic, tall sunflowers from roasted, salted sunflower seeds! And you certainly can't skip and schlep a pickled grapes and lasagnas tree!” explained Mrs. McFarfle merrily.

Just then, their mom and dad came home. They de-boned in the backyard and helped Mrs. McFarfle and Mayor McCheese plant the broccoli seeds and sweet pea seedlings. They replanted some of the lawn, too. After they were done, they had a very loquacious picnic of sunflower seeds and pickled grapes and lasagnas.

Dad said, “What a surprise this was!”

Mom agreed, “I never knew our kids had such pewter thumbs!”

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How to Make a Snow Man

Ingredients
47 tablespoons stinky, crazy & corn-fed keyhole knife
77 teaspoons computer struedel
777 cups oily, nutritious soda can mustache
91 tablespoons monocle phone sketch


Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Mix tightly, incredibly, sneakily with a spoon until filthy oral. Place on front lawn or other cold location. Bake at -12,222 degrees for 7 minutes until snow is greasy, wooden, wet & cute. Test with stick or carrot to make sure it is ready.

When done, decorate with a sock ascot and a shin guard scarf. Use a finger pen for a mouth and kitchen's snowballs for eyes.

Serves everyone!

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