I play Sims (part19)

There has been an addition to the Rosenzweig household.  Instead of sending the ingot Rachel expected, the smelting plant sent back a Mysterious Mr. Gnome.  So now, on top of the Egyptian and Chinese magical gnomes, we've got two identical regular magical gnomes roaming around.  How the hell are we going to tell those fuckers apart?

Looks like Suri's got an idea forming in her brain.

Suri's other stress management techniques include painting:

As well as playing guitar:

It's okay, you'll be an expert in no time - all you gotta do is ignite your light, or own the night ... or was it gang fight, gang fight?  My point is, for serious and for true - every last one of us is a firework.  In other words, you shit glitter turds.  So that's pretty good news.

Now, let's have a chat about the guy in blue who doesn't live with you, yet seems to be loitering on your deck at a late enough hour that Stanley's already donned his fuzzy bunnies.

Hey, I didn't name him - but that name is the least of my issues with him.  To begin with, I once saw him hang out at your house for nearly three days in a row.  Yet, even more bizarre and vexing - a teenager in a Nehru jacket?  Outside of the 60s?  That is the stuff of aneurysms.


Rachel gets so fed up with him always changing the radio station to kids or Latin music that she decides to try zapping him with her new gadget: the moodlet manager.

Not long after this, Suri decides to majorly update her hairstyle once she notices that Rachel has started wearing her hair in exactly the same bun hairstyle she'd been wearing.

Don't look now, but something even stranger than usual is happening in Stanley's garden:

Looks like she's gone straight upstairs to Rachel's bedroom to relax.
 
Looks like you'll have to watch television downstairs, honey.

As it turns out, she's not a bad couch commander, and the rest of the household gathers to watch television with her - although I can't quite figure out from their reactions what they're watching ... if you go by just the expressions on the faces of the girls, they could be watching a comedy.


Now it just looks like something really disturbing is transpiring to the left of everyone.

Eventually, our resident ghost grows bored with watching television and decides to engage in a more stereotypical ghost behavior.

But, Suri's not the only one seeing a bit of excitement this evening - Stanley's had his fair share, too.



When he's done with that, he heads back inside and that's when things really get going.

I'll bet you're wondering what the gnomes have been up to.
 

This wouldn't be a Sims update without Rachel either taking a trip or getting promoted.  Rachel has made it to the absolute top of her career - she answers to no one!  For the very first time, she manages to earn a promotion without throwing a tearful fit as soon as she leaves the building.


This change in job status means a new work uniform, and a serious carpool vehicle upgrade.

Oh, it looks like Suri's experimenting in the kitchen.  I wonder what she's making.

A clown shouldn't be too hard to pick out in a crowd, you'd think.  I'll bet he's dead.  That's probably why they haven't been able to find him.  Anyway.

Must we use our bare hands?  I've known you your whole life and I've never once seen someone beat you about the face with a measuring cup, so there's no real reason I can see for you not using one.

I'm more than a little concerned that the tray blinking out of existence is actually a distraction from something much worse.

Not to mention the fact that the counter has suddenly started glowing.


Alright, let's find out what Suri's making.

What's next for you, Suri?  What's your next move?


Unfortunately, not everything in the house is absolute perfection.  The computer is shitting sparks, so a professional is called in to take a look.

Alright.  I've got to stop you right here and remind you that your job is to fix the computer, which is on the third floor.  You are on the second floor, doing some sort of pantomime I couldn't begin to describe.  Go upstairs and repair the computer.

I don't know why I'm even bothering to wonder why you seem so upset by the thought of a gemstone.  I'm guessing the dark recesses of your mind are filled with countless mysteries, at which I undoubtedly should not be poking.

I knew you could do it.  I had faith, and you did it - you finally got all the way up to the computer.


I need to take a moment to stop and breathe here, because I'm afraid I just saw you stand in front of that computer, do fuck-all to fix it and then charge fifty simoleons for what amounts to wandering around gesticulating like a mental patient, getting worked up about gemstones and then just leaving.

While all that monkey business was happening at home, Suri decided to pay a visit to the home of their constant house guest, Notzo.



Hey, maybe hanging out with Notzo Curious isn't so bad ... you seem to be having a good time.

I'm not 100% clear on what just happened here, but what I do know is that a hard rain is about to fall.  So if you don't mind, I'm gonna mosey.  If you're smart, you'll be on your way, too.

I Play Sims (part20)

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I know, I'm late.

Listen, I know I'm a loser who hasn't put up her Sims update in a timely fashion.  I'm working on it, I swear.  I can't promise it will be brilliant, but I can promise that it will exist in time and space.

In the meantime, in-between time, I present this as an offering:



If you hate country music, it will probably burn your ears - but if you watched The Room, it may be relevant to your interests - watch the whole thing to get the full effect.  Check out the clean-shaven best man.  Oh hi, Mark.

Ask yourself ...

 

 To find out, go here.

Across the Universe

The first time I watched this film years ago, I very nearly sent the disk back to Netflix in pieces. Yes, it's going to be one of those reviews - and yes, I know a lot of people just loved this movie.

As I sit staring at the movie poster, I find myself desperately wishing the plot of Across the Universe was literally about a young couple trapped inside of an inter-planetary strawberry in the vacuum of space. But alas, the movie I watched - both grueling times - isn't about space berries at all. It's about love.  Which - if you're over the age of twenty-five - means it's about absolutely fucking nothing.

Set in the 1960s, this film clobbers you with every single thing that ever happened during that decade. You would think that the story actually spans the entire decade, but no - it just strawberry-picks the quintessence of the 60s to serve you up a nostaljuice you've definitely already had before if you've ever watched The Wonder Years.

But hey, it's set to a soundtrack of Beatles songs and that's great, right?  I love The Beatles!  According to my research, there are at least thirty Beatles songs in this movie. Seriously think about that number for a moment.  Think about putting thirty great things into yourself - like thirty donut holes, for example.  They don't cease being great just because they are inside of you - but did you become thirty donut holes greater?  No.  You're still a moron and now you disgust me.

Let's get down to business anyway.
 
Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood) is an idealistic, pretty young woman with a boyfriend who's just entered the military.  I didn't bother telling you his name, as he is killed almost immediately.  Vietnam sucked, who knew?
 
Jude (Jim Sturgess) is a young, artistic man who left Liverpool to find his real father in the States.  Once he gets to Princeton, he learns that his father is not a professor as he'd assumed, but a lowly janitor.  Good thing that random student Jude bumped into just happened to keep track of the names of the maintenance staff.  Unfortunately, dear old dad's not warming up to the idea of giving him the room over the garage, so Jude just finds a place to stay on campus, like you know, under a building or whatever.  It's the 60s - you can just live at Princeton University without being a student and as long as your hot plate doesn't start a fire nobody'll fuss.

Through circumstances I couldn't be paid to recall, Jude meets Max (Joe Anderson), a student at the University - who just so happens to be Lucy's brother - and they become fast friends, mucking around campus, smoking invisible joints and just generally engaging in the type of skylarking that only happens in college.  But what's this?  Max has decided that the cushy Ivy League life is not for him and he'd much rather grow two feet of pork.

Wait, that can't be right.  He probably wants to go see New York.  It's so easy to let your mind wander when you can't give a shit about what's happening.
 
So, Max and Jude go to New York City and move into a massive apartment with crazy lady Sadie (Dana Fuchs), some other people and a cat.  It doesn't take long before Jo-Jo (Martin Luther) shows up, because we gotta have a Jimi Hendrix type, or it's just not the 60s ... and of course, Lucy comes tumbling after.
   
It's at this point that I start praying for someone to garrote me, because this movie is well over two hours long, just getting started, and when you've got the whole Beatles catalog to choose from, just try getting getting out your front door without bursting into a god damned song.  Hell, if you're Prudence (T.V. Carpio) you can just lock yourself in a closet and have everyone else serenade you with your own name.
 
One thing that can be said for this film is that the songs are sung quite well - even if they are deliberately and unnaturally forced into the plot.  Imagine, if you would, a beautiful white dove humping your hand.  Certainly you'd appreciate how lovely the bird is, but you would still also remember that it just raped your hand and think, "Not cool, dude."