Facebook Ads

You know those little ads on Facebook that you largely ignore?  Well, I can't ignore them, because they're insane - so I started collecting them.  I don't know a damned thing about the algorithms involved in how they pop up on my page - if you tried to explain them, please believe that I wouldn't understand a word you were saying and it would only end in me squeezing my eyes shut and calling you Mark Fuckerberg until you just stopped trying.  

So. I'm going to show some of these ads to you and then say things about them.  Simple enough, yes?

The first thing I started to notice is that Facebook is obsessed with birds.  It can't shut up about them.  I don't know why, because I don't own a bird, nor am I a parrot.

That last one's less of an advertisement, more of a Mad Lib.  "I Love my Parrot.  It's not a... felony, is it?"  Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Here you've got your strange dwelling/bucket list - because before you die, you definitely gotta live in a watermelon or house that's been through a catastrophic calamity.

They're talking about the town in which I reside - I can't tell you where that is, but I can tell that there are definitely no mountains or majestic water falls.  Which really bums me out.  Show me something cute, me.

Mmm ... delicious, mouth-watering, pygmy marmosets. 


The one on the left would only happen over my dead body, and whatever is going on with the right kinda looks like it's growing on a dead body.  So ... it a no for both, Facebook ads.

Here again, Facebook ads take the inexplicable route.  I would definitely need the help of peyote to explain the ad on the left and uh, hey - I do not fish, I am not fish, my name's not fish, I have not fish.

Along the same vein of hard to explain, the first ad seems to be a conversation already in progress.  For the ad on the right, my reply is that I can fill a table full of unrelated and useless crap all by my lonesome, no problemo.

Ah, babies - who doesn't love 'em?  Although I think these could do with some better wording.  I'm pretty sure I'd end up disappointed when clicking the first ad didn't result in a pregnant baby bag in my mailbox.  Also, as interesting as I might be in becoming a surrogate mothers, I don't think a Facebook page is where I'd get my information.

Now, these are much better ads involving babies.  I can tell you from experience that you always, always want to get samples before making a final decision on a baby.  As for becoming a social worker in only one short year - I figure if a baby can do it, I've definitely got a shot.

These two ads right here basically rest my case for why I never leave my apartment unless absolutely necessary.  I don't don't need to run into this shit, my dreams are already wrong enough.

How. Ever.  I would most fucking definitely leave my house to see the fat kid riding the snail.  Are you kidding me?  Also, if you don't know why the first ad is awesome, you are not.

Okay.  I like bargains as much as the next blogger, but Staff Member has got to be the worst video game ever.  Walmart, however, is getting my respect on this one for truth in advertising - because every fucking sticky, feral kid I run into in their store looks exactly like that.

I'm still collecting Facebook ads.  We'll see what happens.