This is my blog, and it is dangerous. Do you think I want to die like this?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Clearly, it's dire
I've been sitting in the darkest corner of my darkest room, writing in my most serious diary with the pen that doesn't have anything cute hanging off the end of it. I sigh approximately and exactly every three minutes. I've only been eating sadcakes, refusing anything with awesomesauce and I've totally stopped showering*. I've scoured the internet for the most comfortless, disquieting song I could find - and let me tell you, I've been more successful than I ever imagined possible - the lyrics actually have anything to do with nothing, but since when does a good, old-fashioned state of ennui have to make sense?
*Let's face it, I never do this anyway.
I listened to it twice in a row, and my husband had to smack a bottle of pills right out of my hand just seconds before I tossed its contents into my mouth. I don't even remember how the pills got there.
In all seriousness, I didn't mean to sound grim with my last post. I am 90% sure I will make it. If I don't, Hammersmark will divide my belongings among the rest of you after she's done taking what she wants.
Sounds like someone is having a case of the mun-days. On a thursday. Guess what though, nico? Tomorrow is fried egg. Aren't you so so so excited?
Would you like a hug? I'm developing a robot with hug-AI and you'd be the perfect test candidate. Currently the hug function is set at 3000psi, which might be enough to crush steel, but if you survive and deem it unnecessarily excessive, we can dial it down a touch.
It always feels weird to say you like something that isn't positive, but I can't help it, I like this post! Good writing is good writing. Now go stick your finger in a happy outlet.
There's a rule not being observed, and damn its annoying me. When something better than the current standard is released, the current standard's price drops and the new she-bang soon goes from high priced to dropping down to the standard price.
So what in hell is taking Directv so long to drop the price on standard definition as well as stop charging a premium for high definition? Its an extra $10 each month to skip the same 180 channels I usually do just to watch one or two that are all shiny'n shit. I'm not liking paying more just to be able to see ( and count) nose hairs of whoever appears on the screen.
I'm thinking I'm going to have to start a 'fuck this crap' anti-price gouging group that rails against corporate America sticking it to it's customer base. What really gets my wedgie in a state of bruising ass-floss though...I'm a Directv customer, and yet, for some odd fukn reason, I'm inundated with their tired line up of really awful commercials 256 times an hour!
Oh hell yea, I'm so going to write my gawd damn congressman!
And check it out Hammersmark...I've got magnetic Nico buttons on my fridge!!
What all of you don't know is that I recently dispatched a small team of highly skilled winged gnomes who have successfully conducted a secret mission to capture and retrieve the lamp, as I can say with 99.99% certainty that it would look better in my living room than in any of yours.
OR. You could haul your cute little cookies to the nearest Ikea and pick up your very own for about 30 bucks or so. I happen to know it's so easy to install, even a girl could do it. That is, if she owns her own drill.
24 comments:
Sounds like someone is having a case of the mun-days. On a thursday. Guess what though, nico? Tomorrow is fried egg. Aren't you so so so excited?
Would you like a hug? I'm developing a robot with hug-AI and you'd be the perfect test candidate. Currently the hug function is set at 3000psi, which might be enough to crush steel, but if you survive and deem it unnecessarily excessive, we can dial it down a touch.
Let me know!
Well, there's a limit to YOUR love, and it's robot hugs set at 3000psi.
Let's not quantify these sorts of things, shall we?
Magic 8 ball says, "my sources say no".
Don't count on there being much left to divide betwixt you all. Nico owns some cool shit.
Dibs on the Ikea lamp!
I've amended the visual record accordingly.
Looks like somebody watched Steve Carell's last episode of the office.
But buck up! As Darryl said, tomorrow is Friday. And you have GOT to get down on friday. Just remember the rules:
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I haven't watched it yet. Are you kidding me? I can't watch that thing right now, I'll split into two teenagers.
It always feels weird to say you like something that isn't positive, but I can't help it, I like this post! Good writing is good writing. Now go stick your finger in a happy outlet.
Well, I appreciate the appreciation.
There's a rule not being observed, and damn its annoying me. When something better than the current standard is released, the current standard's price drops and the new she-bang soon goes from high priced to dropping down to the standard price.
So what in hell is taking Directv so long to drop the price on standard definition as well as stop charging a premium for high definition? Its an extra $10 each month to skip the same 180 channels I usually do just to watch one or two that are all shiny'n shit. I'm not liking paying more just to be able to see ( and count) nose hairs of whoever appears on the screen.
I'm thinking I'm going to have to start a 'fuck this crap' anti-price gouging group that rails against corporate America sticking it to it's customer base. What really gets my wedgie in a state of bruising ass-floss though...I'm a Directv customer, and yet, for some odd fukn reason, I'm inundated with their tired line up of really awful commercials 256 times an hour!
Oh hell yea, I'm so going to write my gawd damn congressman!
And check it out Hammersmark...I've got magnetic Nico buttons on my fridge!!
How did I doubt for a minute?
So long as it was just a minute, and not a minute more.
W
I just wanted to make sure I was heaping abuse upon YOU, and not some innocent commenter who just stopped by. You know how it is.
MWB, I laughed so hard, everyone in the office gave me a look.
After that, what the hell just happened?
If Hammersmark will let me have that b/w light, I promise not to get involved.
Might be a tough sell, my steam powered cephalopod. She really likes that thing.
YOU GET YOUR GREASY MITS OFF MY LAMP!
What all of you don't know is that I recently dispatched a small team of highly skilled winged gnomes who have successfully conducted a secret mission to capture and retrieve the lamp, as I can say with 99.99% certainty that it would look better in my living room than in any of yours.
OR. You could haul your cute little cookies to the nearest Ikea and pick up your very own for about 30 bucks or so. I happen to know it's so easy to install, even a girl could do it. That is, if she owns her own drill.
I swear to God, for about the first sixteen comments, I thought that it was a night light.
What did you think all that stuff to the right of it was?
Postage stamps that you had framed.
There's no limit to how weird you assume my life is.
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