Me: Mmhmm.
4-year-old: In the future, we can go back to Austin.
Me: No sweetie, we can't go back to our old apartment, somebody else lives there now.
4-year-old: Why does somebody else live there?
Me: Uhh...
4-year-old: Because I will go there and I will kick them out. Hard.
Me: You're cute.
4-year-old: Then I will open the door up and tell them, "You can't live in Austin anymore!"
~~~~~
IM with my best friend Bunny Walker
Me: you have cute feet, though
Me: my MIL keeps trying to get me out for a pedicure and I'm like "MY FEEEET?! NO."
Her: Thanks. They are persistently troublesome. Dry toes. Friends keep trying to gift me pedis. Nooooooope.
Me: dry toes. that's hilarious
Me:may I flirt with you for a few seconds?
Her: Well alright.
Me: I have some really good lines I've been working on
Her: Hahaha
Me: "you smell like peaches and there is NOTHING wrong with your vagina."
Her: Whoa! That escalated quickly.
Me: "your crotch does not disturb"
Me: these could use some work
Her: Mmm hmm. Sooooo why are you practicing pickin up chicks?
Me: "may I poke it?"
Her: Jesus.
Me: I'm sorry, I'm just making myself laugh
Her: Ok, I gotta go back to being harassed by my home life. Luv u.
Me: I don't really want to poke your vagina
~~~~~
So this is what happens when you have to rip stuff out of magazines to make collages for your kid's homework. |
Action Bishop sold separately. |
I wasn't even aware I had a bubble problem to solve. |
Here's how I've been annoying celebrities on Twitter:
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