Nico Tuesday on Wednesday, madly

Alrighty then, participators - here are your stories. I plugged in the words I chose from your contributions without looking at the story beforehand.

The Surprise Garden

One bulbous afternoon while their mom and dad were running errands, Mrs. McFarfle and her little brother, Mayor McCheese, decided to surprise their mom and dad by planting a garden. Mrs. McFarfle went to the garage and got a bird and shovel and started to get the soil ready while Mayor McCheese rode his bike to the market to buy some seeds.

Mrs. McFarfle was making mushy progress in the backyard. Of course, she first had to glow up a lot of the lawn so there would be plenty of room for the new garden.


Then Mayor McCheese rode into the backyard. His backpack was snorting! He pulled out broccoli seeds, tiny mauve sweet pea seedlings, a can of sunflower seeds, and a big jar of pickled grapes and lasagnas.

“OK,” said Mrs. McFarfle, "I get the broccoli seeds and sweet pea seedlings, but what about the other stuff?”

“Well, Mom's favorite flowers are sunflowers, and Dad's favorite snack is pickled grapes and lasagnas, so I figured we'd plant a nice pickled grapes and lasagnas tree! Ahoy, Dr. Scott!!! Gee wiz!, why are you looking at me like I'm grody?” asked Mayor McCheese.

“Umm… because you don't get bedazzled & Catholic, tall sunflowers from roasted, salted sunflower seeds! And you certainly can't skip and schlep a pickled grapes and lasagnas tree!” explained Mrs. McFarfle merrily.

Just then, their mom and dad came home. They de-boned in the backyard and helped Mrs. McFarfle and Mayor McCheese plant the broccoli seeds and sweet pea seedlings. They replanted some of the lawn, too. After they were done, they had a very loquacious picnic of sunflower seeds and pickled grapes and lasagnas.

Dad said, “What a surprise this was!”

Mom agreed, “I never knew our kids had such pewter thumbs!”

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How to Make a Snow Man

Ingredients
47 tablespoons stinky, crazy & corn-fed keyhole knife
77 teaspoons computer struedel
777 cups oily, nutritious soda can mustache
91 tablespoons monocle phone sketch


Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Mix tightly, incredibly, sneakily with a spoon until filthy oral. Place on front lawn or other cold location. Bake at -12,222 degrees for 7 minutes until snow is greasy, wooden, wet & cute. Test with stick or carrot to make sure it is ready.

When done, decorate with a sock ascot and a shin guard scarf. Use a finger pen for a mouth and kitchen's snowballs for eyes.

Serves everyone!

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Eat your blog tapas now, children ...

...for there will be no blog tapas in hell.

Let's start off with some scam spam, shall we?

Here are a couple of gems captured and given to me by my friend and fellow simmer, the lovely Lauren:

Here's what happens when I've been awake long past my bed time:

Here's some more of these stupid things:

You've probably heard a lot of rumors about me being a real jerk. That's true. But I make a mean biscuits and gravy. What does this have to do with Sims 3? Almost nothing. Although, my blog has a Sims story on it that's so funny, it will teach your grandmother to suck eggs. Don't ask how I found this out.

So ... I write a blog. There's a lot of random cursing on it, but there's also a Sims story which is so funny, your underwear will disappear right out of your laundry basket, never to be found again. Other than being the author of this story, I have absolutely nothing to do with your missing underpants, just to be clear.

I may make many empty threats regarding my blog & Sims story (such as the disappearance of your underpants) but one thing I will never threaten is to stop writing it if people don't "Like" or follow my blog. In fact, I'm going to keep writing it whether you like it or not. You're not the boss of me. Anymore.

Sims story. Blog - much other random, insane ranting. But a lot of Sims story. You read. I write. It works good this way. New chapter Tuesday. I promise. You believe.

I betcha if you go look at my Sims story, your eyeballs won't fall out or nothin'. At least not since I fixed that issue with the random jabbing. Chapter 24 drops tomorrow, and I yelp in pain about two seconds later.

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Here we have more junk mail:

Here's proof that my mother has insane taste in toys for my children (although it's not quite as bad as the maniacally giggling and dancing monkey or the banshee-in-a-box):

It's remote controlled and the eyes light up. In red.


Finally, I didn't want to fill up my entire Tuesday post with this silliness, but I figured some of you might be interested, so click here for the Mae Incident.

Now, click something.
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The Mae Incident

I hadn't been spending as much time on the Sims 3 fan page as I had in the past, but I had been seeing several of my friends talking about a few people who had been posting often on the page getting on their nerves. In particular there was this girl named Mae, who relentlessly informed the page about every minutiae of her comings and goings, often bidding the group adieu while taking several hours to actually leave.

I wasn't able to screen cap our very first exchange of words, because she deleted it before I realized she had an itchy deletion finger and a raging case of the crazies. But it went a little something like this (my words are nearly verbatim, hers paraphrased sarcastically):

Mae: Hey everyone, I'm not going to be able to be online as long as usual tonight, so I just wanted to leave everyone the link to my page that I spam on this page every day, several times a day, to hold you over until my return.
Me: Why are you so concerned about everyone surviving without your presence?
Mae: Honey, I'm not concerned, I do this every day, just so you know.
Me: You do what every day, sugarcube?

If she replied, I didn't see it, because the entire thing was swiftly deleted. Don't you hate that shit? But she wasn't able to stay away for more than a moment - she posts her page link again:

At this point, Mae blocks me. Unfortunately for her, you can't block pages.  She posts again:

Then, promptly deletes it.  She is not happy at me right now, to say the least.  Another post (I've edited out a few replies here and there from other Sims 3 fans, for the sake of brevity) where Mae dictates how we're all to behave:

Boom. Also quickly deleted. Mae clearly has some control issues, and can not properly say goodbye unless and until it is done entirely on her terms. She posts thrice more:

I couldn't resist. I'm only human. If you were there, you'd almost swear you could actually hear the cogs and gears of her mind sproing right out the top her head. Again, the post disappears. She quickly posts this non-sequitur on someone else's wall post, then posts her own plea to the rest of the Sims 3 fans to protect her from me:

What follows are some of the responses to that plea, along with Mae's insistence that I'm harassing her to within an inch of her sanity and needs everyone else to help her report my page (click to enlarge):

Meanwhile, the last thing I've said to her is "sleep well". At this point, I go to bed - but according to Mae, I'm still working a dastardly plan:

That's it, in a giant rolling nutball.
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I Play Sims (part29)

So, Stanley - taking in some of the evening air, are we?

Let's check in on Suri.

Why don't we just see what Rachel is up to, shall we?

The next day, Darryl arrives for a visit.

No telling what he's snarling about - y'all may have to deal with this shit.

I Play Sims (part30)

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