Blog Sells

As some of you know, I've been whoring my blog out at the official Sims 3 Facebook fan page, which has drastically increased my daily page views. Before then, most of my views could be attributed to the same couple of people checking my blog over and over again to see if I had posted an update or if someone had replied to a comment.

Since I write a Sims story, it would probably be sort of psychotic for me not to seek out Sims 3 players to read my blog.  But, I couldn't just throw my link up once on a page with about 6 million fans and expect that to be enough.  I had to be a nag about it, and post it a few times a day - and I couldn't just link to my Sims story and say, "read my blog, y'all!" because, well - nobody gives a shit.  Do you have any idea how many people write Sims stories?  Everybody, that's how many - and they're all putting their link up and saying, "check out my legacy & follow plz!"

A staggering amount of those people are linking to a story they haven't even started writing yet - a terrifying amount are trying to bore us into a coma with the 100 baby challenge.  What's the 100 baby challenge, you ask?  As far as I can tell, it's an attempt to create something more mind-numbingly eye-drying than stacking saltines on your god-forsaken eyeballs.  I could be wrong.  I wouldn't touch it with your eyeballs.

As a result, every time I post a link to my Sims stories, I have to say something stupid to get the attention of the attention-deficient.  Since you're here, it's safe to assume you actually enjoy the weird crap I spit out on a whim, so I've decided to post a chunk here and there of those fairly ridiculous and sometimes disturbing things I say to get people to come for the Sims and stay for the warping of their minds.

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Check out the Sims story I write for my blog. Everybody hates it. I mean, they love it ... the 15 people I poke with sticks to read it. But if you read it, I won't poke you, I promise.

I have an ongoing Sims story on my blog (among other crap I talk about). The great thing is that reading this story is good for your skin (if you wash your face once you're done reading). It's also calorie-free, and won't make you smell, unless you already do.

Don't read this blog. It will make you grow an extra arm ... from your EYE.
(This one did not work at all. Almost no hits.)

I've fixed the problem of extra arms growing from your eye, so it's safe to read the Sims story on my blog. In fact, I've added a feature where it actually makes your arms ... better. Than they were. Imagine how great your arms could be if you read my story from beginning to end and then followed my blog? Holy crap, it's too wonderful to even think about.

I've placed a magical spell on my blog that will bestow upon all its readers superhuman awesomeness. You can't beat that. Unless you have a really big stick.

I don't actually write this Sims story, the Sims voices within my head do - and they told me to tell you that if you read their blog, they'll give you candy. Personally, I wouldn't trust them. You have no idea how they abuse me.

You know how sometimes you think to yourself, "I'm bored, but lazy. I want to put something into my eyes, and there should be pictures." I have the answer: my blog. It is a terrific waste of your time. Put it into your eyes.

My Sims said that if I don't tell you all to come read about them, very bad things will happen to me. They also said that if I didn't remind people to follow or click the "Like" button on the right-hand side of the blog, I would live to regret it. I'm really worried that even though I did what they told me to do, they're still going to torture me.

You guys should read this blog because 1. There are Sims in it and they're always getting up to something. 2. It's great for your diet, if you eat vegetables while reading it. 3. I love you.

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As an extra bonus for putting up with all of that, here's a recent conversation I had on the Sims 3 fan page, which is probably more difficult to deal with than anything else I've said in this post. Enjoy.