Him: What?!
Me: It's shocking at this point that anything that comes out of my mouth could surprise you.
Him: Who's my best friend? Chester Conklin?
I know he's explained to me more than once who Chester Conklin is, but gun to my head I couldn't pick him out in a line up. I think he's bald.
Me: Hey, did you hear that Pink is pregnant?
Him: (exasperated, almost angry sigh) No.
Me: You didn't get a Twitter update about it on your mobile device?!
(neither are things he has nor wants)
Him: It's not information I need to know.
Several months later, when I brought up Pink's retarded and ill-conceived plans to bring her garland-covered child on tour with her before said child was even able to walk, it was clear that he'd forcibly removed the knowledge of her pregnancy from his brain, because he was all, "Pink is pregnant?!" - and I know he wasn't fucking with me because I know where he sleeps.
Me: Why can't we fight like them?
(I'm pretty sure it was Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller)
Then at least you'd have the decency to be amusing about not liking me.
Him: ~non-committal noise which is a combination of "aww" and "oh"~
Me: I didn't get bigger, I got smaller pants. It's like backfat on parade tonight. You're just going to have to put up with how fat I look tonight.
(I've actually lost 23 pounds since the first backfat parade, so fuck yeah me.)
Him: ~non-committal noise which is a combination of "aww" and "oh"~
Me: Yes, there are cookies in my bra.
Him: And you're eating them.
There is always something (other than my breasts) in my bra ... earbuds, tissues, a debit card, barrettes, a used Breathe Right strip, etc. Just the other day, I discovered a sizable crumb in there (always crumbs, always ... crumbs.) so I walked toward the kitchen where husband was standing by the safety gate. I handed him the crumb, which he threw away, then I said:
"Well, now I know why my boob was itching."
Him: That was in your bra?!
Me: Yes.
Him: Why did you hand it to me?
Me: Because you put your hand out.
He couldn't argue with the logic.
-----
I am working on the next Sims update, but here's a couple sneek peek picture of the new house I built that the Rosenzweigs will be living in after the next few updates:
13 comments:
:Pulls phone out of bra to comment:
I love green!
lmfao, in love with you.
Awesome. Well, we know what's in Zaggy's bra ... what's in yours, Messedupchic?
SEAHORSES AND LEMONADE!!!
I don't know why I just said that.
Neither do I, but uh - Seahorses! Forever!
(I love Seahorses, and I love Seahorse things. Darryl, hurry up and back me up on this.)
I think Darryl is a seahorse.
And I am a sandwich.
What are you?
You are speaking in some sort of frightening code, and I am pretty sure I should stop replying to you, full stop. Unless you are a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato, in which case, I've already eaten you and you are of no threat to me whatsoever.
Skittles. That's what's in my bra....oh and popcorn.
I do apologize for the small, fuzzy, orange martians who make my brain run. They have eaten too many pixie sticks and are making me say strange things.
Noodles.
In my humble opinion, there is no sandwich BUT grilled cheese with tomato. So yes, that is what I am. The fact that your stomach has wi-fi makes you that much more awesome.
I love that Erick is wearing Bunny Walker's Skittles and popcorn filled bra. Spring has sprung!
*tackles Mili for pixie sticks*
Hahahahah, I could hear him making the awww-oh sound in my head.
The bra bit was the best though.
I usually keep my phone in my bra when I'm at the gym.
I also hide my tampons there.
Seahorse? Sea Hell.
What I've learned today: Many women use bras to store food items. I should inspect more bras when I am hungry.
Am I doing this right?
Make sure you at least sort of know the girl before you go digging around in her bra for a Chick-O-Stick. Is my advice.
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