subheading

This is my blog, and it is dangerous. Do you think I want to die like this?





Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Hey, what's all this crap?

I couldn't decide what to post, so you're getting blog tapas ... and you'll like it.

Here's an awesome e-mail conversation I had with a delightful young man from the Sims 3 fan page on Facebook. I can't recall what prompted him to seek private correspondence with me, because I say so many obnoxious things over the course of a day, I couldn't possibly be expected to remember them all.



If I'm being honest, I'm still not entirely sure what he was barking about. Despite my display photo being very obviously female, Dylon's not the first goofball to pull an aggressive posture toward me as though I were another dude.

-----

This ... is really something.  Please note that this is posted from a Legacy page, which means this person not only writes a story but is also currently advertising that story.



-----

This is what happened when I pushed the wrong button on Facebook and it created an ad for my blog, which it tried to sell to me.  It was so funny, we almost bought it ...


...except Facebook said its own ad was too naughty.  To be fair, they did take the text directly from my page. If Zuckerberg's failgorithms could come up with a description like that for me on its own, I'd have to start thinking they worked.

-----

Here are a few gigglers from my newsfeed: 


(If you don't know what these are, put your finger on your eyelid, and press your nose right here.)
-----
I think that people who read the Sims story on my blog should have a special nickname, like fans of Insane Clown Posse. Something cool like that. Who wants to be a Nicomo? You don't even have to paint your face, unless you want to.

If I could have just one wish, it would be to have a pygmy marmoset. A close second would be for a pygmy marmoset to read my Sims story. I don't think they can read, though. Maybe you could read it to them? I don't know, I haven't slept in about 36 hours. It's pretty hard to make sense. Read my blog.

It's my Sims story. You will not believe what I've done with this thing. I used verbs, adjectives and nouns, all for your amusement. I even put them into sentences and matched them to pictures. What more could you want? I could sing for you, but you probably wouldn't be able to hear it. That might be better, my story writing is better than my singing. Follow!

This Sims story is obviously hilarious, or I wouldn't be asking you to read and follow it - so why don't I just tell you what it isn't? It's not a helium balloon with a terrifying amount of glitter. It's not a plate of sugar-free cookies. It's not your ex who refuses to stop texting you. It's not Old Gregg ... and it is most definitely not a chore chart.

God said, "...and let there be a Sims story on the Grievances blog." and it was good. Or at least good enough that you should read it. You don't want to ignore god, do you? Sometimes he can get pretty, pretty, pretty cranky.

submit to reddit
add to del.icio.us saved by 0 users

16 comments:

Unknown said...

Whore shoes. LOL.

Your internet life is soooooooooooo much more entertaining than mine.

Steve said...

I wouldn't have blocked out the Dylan person's last name. It deserves whatever harassment it gets.

Unknown said...

Bunny, entertaining and irritating is such a fine line.

Well, Steve, he was clearly underage. I didn't want to give him or Facebook any ammo for banning MY account. Anyone who's on the Sims 3 fan page knows exactly who he is, though.

Carolyn Smith said...

LOL Nico, your Blog made my night :)

ButchSims said...

If that ad came up on my facebook page, I would totally click on it

Unknown said...

I KNOW! Husband, who hates spending money, was like "How much would it cost?"

Carolyn, I like how you capitalized "Blog". It makes me say it in a deep, booming voice.

Ariel said...

Haha this is hilarious. I find it funny when people who are insulting others can't even spell. If you're going to attempt to insult someone, at least be literate about it. Your blog makes my day whenever I read it. Also, I agree with Peter. I'd definitely click that ad.

Unknown said...

You'll be happy to hear that I'm still collecting arguments I have with people who are under the misapprehension that they can get the upper hand with me in a battle of words ... and the ones who think that always tend to be the people you just know got left back once or twice.

William said...

Oh my gosh..... Dylon is an idiot..... I had to read what he said quite a few times to understand what he said. And the school and PSP thing..... You KNEW he wasn't from your school, but he was too much of an idiot to understand that.... And he acted like you were an idiot because you said he was pushing random buttons on his phone. He is so much of an idiot he can't understand a figure of speech.

Unknown said...

He's a pretty sad case.

millerla said...

I personally like the ad. Your life is more entertaining and annoying than mine, which is not hard to do as I have no life at the moment.

Sometimes I wish that awesome sarcasm came as easily for me as it seems to come for you.

Right now I'm reading this in a very monotone voice and it's amusing me- That's how sad my life is.

Unknown said...

Hate to break it to you Leiah, but my life is pretty pathetic. I'd totally laugh at myself reading aloud in a weird voice, too. I think a few of my friends and readers might do that as well. We're all pretty weird here.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading, though! I just had a 12-year-old tell me that my picture made her throw up and that this site was "shit" so my confidence and self-esteem have taken a really big hit lately (not at all).

ButchSims said...

That girl was very annoying, I must say. But I admit I got a little giggle when she posted a few minutes later that her game had crashed. Ah, Karma, what would we do without thee?

Unknown said...

Funnier still was her blaming us for doing it. I didn't get a screen cap of that, and she's obviously deleted anything she wrote that could get her in trouble, right before she went on a false reporting spree.

Sour grapes. She cursed her little head off at us, and then cried foul when we told her to keep her mouth shut.

brigirl1991 said...

Ah, this made my night. Particularly the second bit with the ONE misspelled word. >giggle<

Unknown said...

Glad to hear it, brigirl!

I didn't screen cap her reply, but it was something like "Okay, I know I misspelled a few words, but can you help me with my problem?"