Letters to Strangers

For the few of you not familiar with my newest hobby, check this out.
Today, we torment Daniel.

Since I have you here, and the room is already paid for, let's look at some other stuff.

I got this very fun Skype friend request the other day:

I'm a lot of woman, but I don't think even I could handle a whole Ukrainian army. Pick a regiment.

My friend Emma sent this to me:

I think the italics are on the wrong word here.  Let's try: "Centipedes? In my vagina?"
No? ~shrugs~

Finally, I have painstakingly collected search terms people used to find my blog and compiled them into neat, pretty little pictures - not because you care how they look, but because it soothes the monster which resided within my soul.

First, the recent obsession with Chatroulette.  Here's what the people want.

I am offended by this because I never misspell masturbate. 

Now take a look at the varied and very wrong ways people are spelling Chatroulette:

Not that bad, I suppose, but they get worse:

There's a dick in cup of coffee joke which exists, but unfortunately, I cannot access it.

It's pretty clear they've either already started before getting to Chatroulette, or are typing with their penis.

Now, feast your eyes on this random nonsense:

I know I've said a lot about Katy Perry, but I've focused mainly on her eyes and cupcake tits - I ... wasn't even aware she had feet fingers.  Do they mean toes? What the fuck is happening?

This is downright distressing. Seek help, you.

I never, ever joke about anal sex. I do, however, run into the issue of choking on nut sacks about fortnightly. Any advice would be appreciated. To be fair, I never used the phrase "natalie portman eats out mila kunis" for one thing, because that is not how it went down in Black Swan, but also, the exact phrase I used had something to do with "Portman tacos", which I find equal parts hilarious and juvenile.

Hey! I like titties, too!  But maybe tone it down a little - there are no tits here, I promise. Also, whoever searched for "titties.....hell yes!" I really, really need to talk to you. 

Hi.  See a fucking doctor.

I have a tiny nerdgasm every time someone finds my blog by searching for stuff like "spacing guild navigator".  Also, I'm calling the police.

That about sums this up.  I've made you look at a lot of stupid things. Sorry about that.  Now, check this stupid thing out, and try not to get addicted to it.

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