The Sherman Missive

I finally got one of these things done again. It feels like a million years since I tried to disturb a stranger through the mail. I have a good feeling about this one, I just know my Sherminator is going to come here and give me a glare.

Until next time, gorgeous ones!
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Letters to Strangers (Zachary)

It feels like it's been forever since I wrote one of these. It would be really super rad if someone came here to yell at me about receiving one. Ever. I'm looking at you, Zachary.

Enjoy.

Oh, but first I want to thank Jennifer B., Thomas L., Bridget C., Andi E. V. & Eve S. for the ideas. Sometimes I'm just not good with the ideas.

Another Letter to a Stranger

Hey. I wrote another. Weeee.

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Letters to Strangers (and my dumb face)

Welp, it's time for another letter to a stranger.  This time, I took the easy way out and simply let Mad Libs do most of the work for me.  It's a relatively short missive, but I feel it packs a wallop of absurdity. Here:

Since this was a rather short note, I thought I'd introduce you to an old hobby of mine, from my 9-5 days. Working in an office can be fraught with stress, especially while working in a secretary pool of about a dozen women, led by the alpha bitch of doom. I had to blow off steam somehow, and other than spending the day completely high on marijuana (just kidding! or am I? ahahahaha.) I liked to make photocopies of my face.  Some of them I kept, but occasionally I'd throw one into a personal and confidential envelope and leave it on a co-worker's desk. It always went over well.

As you'll see from the variations on the appearance of the photocopies, I had access to more than one copier.  The one in the reception area was the smallest, and rather heavy on the toner - which would often jam the machine up ... with a fucking photocopy of my face.  Most of my plans are that genius.

Enjoy.

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Letters to Strangers

For the few of you not familiar with my newest hobby, check this out.
Today, we torment Daniel.

Since I have you here, and the room is already paid for, let's look at some other stuff.

I got this very fun Skype friend request the other day:

I'm a lot of woman, but I don't think even I could handle a whole Ukrainian army. Pick a regiment.

My friend Emma sent this to me:

I think the italics are on the wrong word here.  Let's try: "Centipedes? In my vagina?"
No? ~shrugs~

Finally, I have painstakingly collected search terms people used to find my blog and compiled them into neat, pretty little pictures - not because you care how they look, but because it soothes the monster which resided within my soul.

First, the recent obsession with Chatroulette.  Here's what the people want.

I am offended by this because I never misspell masturbate. 

Now take a look at the varied and very wrong ways people are spelling Chatroulette:

Not that bad, I suppose, but they get worse:

There's a dick in cup of coffee joke which exists, but unfortunately, I cannot access it.

It's pretty clear they've either already started before getting to Chatroulette, or are typing with their penis.

Now, feast your eyes on this random nonsense:

I know I've said a lot about Katy Perry, but I've focused mainly on her eyes and cupcake tits - I ... wasn't even aware she had feet fingers.  Do they mean toes? What the fuck is happening?

This is downright distressing. Seek help, you.

I never, ever joke about anal sex. I do, however, run into the issue of choking on nut sacks about fortnightly. Any advice would be appreciated. To be fair, I never used the phrase "natalie portman eats out mila kunis" for one thing, because that is not how it went down in Black Swan, but also, the exact phrase I used had something to do with "Portman tacos", which I find equal parts hilarious and juvenile.

Hey! I like titties, too!  But maybe tone it down a little - there are no tits here, I promise. Also, whoever searched for "titties.....hell yes!" I really, really need to talk to you. 

Hi.  See a fucking doctor.

I have a tiny nerdgasm every time someone finds my blog by searching for stuff like "spacing guild navigator".  Also, I'm calling the police.

That about sums this up.  I've made you look at a lot of stupid things. Sorry about that.  Now, check this stupid thing out, and try not to get addicted to it.

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Letters to Strangers

Wondering what I'm barking about?  Direct thine eyes to this.  Here's a letter for my soon-to-be new best friend, Preston.

Click to embiggen.

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While I have you here, I'd like to introduce you to the crown princess of "Aw, come on - what? I can't even." of the Sims 3 fan page on Facebook: Tania.  Allow me to slide this into you slowly.  It's a lot to take.

Now.  Let's do this shit.

Finally, here's a couple of early moments I had with Tania, before the bloom had worn off for me.

Now, because I love you so much, you can have some screen caps I've had laying around awhile.  You know what, how about all of them?  It's a pretty big love. Shh, shh ... just look.

Was it good for you?
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The Experiment

Awhile back, I was reading this blog post, which was about how kooky it was that you could buy Royal Wedding commemorative cards.  I made an off-hand comment about how these cards could actually be put to good use: sending to strangers, along with a hand-written note talking absolute nonsense.

Almost no one loves nonsense more than me, so it only took about five minutes before I decided I absolutely had to have these cards and needed, desperately, to send them to people I do not know, perhaps with my blog address very quietly written somewhere on the back of the card, in the hopes that the person will either come here and laugh at how bored a person could possibly be, or yell at me for wasting three vexing, precious minutes of their life.

So, I've finally penned my first note to a stranger - it's already been mailed, but of course I scanned a copy of to share with you. My witnesses.  Here is my first of hopefully many Letters to Strangers.

Click for full-sized silliness.

But, that isn't all I have for you today. I've also brought you this:



You can find a creepier thing I'm sure, but not by much.

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