You don't want to? Go home. You're already home? Go to hell.
I dreamed ...
that I was waxing a surfboard with a serious sense of urgency.
that when I couldn't find my shoes, someone suggested I wear backpacks on my feet.
that I was talking to a Mexican guy and kept shouting at him, "I eat your burrito!" while he shrugged at me.
that I kept going on business trips with former high school classmate/Facebook friend. During one meeting, where pizza that was cut into squares rather than triangular slices was served, this classmate insisted we eat from the middle to the outside edge, so that the grease wouldn't escape.
that I was walking up to a house in the middle of a junkyard with a friend, who was lagging behind. I made it to the front stoop, where he caught up to me and informed me that some guy had just shook his hand and then ate yogurt with his finger. This was, according to my friend, some sort of redneck code for something.
Conversations with my husband!
Him: I used to be a hot dish, but now I'm a hot mess - help me Ove' Glove!
Me: I got my first "THIS!" on a message board.
Him: Huh? I don't know what that is.
Him. I hate the internet. But congratulations.
Him: ... wait - did you just say that a wild animal stole their rooster and nailed it to a tree?!
Me: I just realized this song is in French.
Him: ... uh ...?
Me: The song. I'm listening to. *gestures toward laptop & earbuds*
Him (relieved): Oh.
Me (touching face and hair): How am I such a greaseball so quickly?
Him: How are you such a ... faceball?
Me: Oooh, a line cook, that sounds fancy.
Him: Dare to dream.