I've done some more reading, and ...

What was I saying?  Right, anyway.  After further research into Topamax side effects, I've found a smattering of people online who describe things smelling strangely, or a burning smell.  So it's entirely likely I wasted the shit out of the county's resources because my temporal lobes are confused and knocking into ... uh, the uh - where you smell in your brain.  I have been smelling cigarette smoke all day again.  Guhmuggy.

Okay, so in my research, I've learned that Topamax works on temporal lobe dysfunction.  Basically, it slows down abnormal activity.  Or, all activity, if you've been watching me in action.  I've also learned that the temporal lobe (I keep typing "temporal love", ffs) is responsible for "comprehension, naming, verbal memory and other language functions".

The first could (I mean couple) of days of taking this medication, I was like "side effects, what side effects?"  But now, I'm swimming through ... a bunch of words that aren't the right ones.  It's 50% scary, 50% amusing.  I feel like my frontal lobe has a hot water bottle on it, there's a burning cigarette in front of my nose, and all I want to do is curl up under a blanket, stare at something mindless and pretend I'm not having trouble stringing thoughts together.  It's taking me a ridiculous amount of time to make sense - that is, if I actually am.

I want pizza.  No I don't.

All I gotta say is, this shit better work.  I will give it time to settle in - I'm not unrealistic, I realize this type of medication requires twiddling.  Or tweaking.  I better stop before it starts to sound sexual.  Oh my god I'm not funny.  Goodbye.